Wednesday, June 19, 2013

A life that isn't balanced, juggling 11

A life that isn't balanced 
 Recently a friend of mine forwarded me an inspirational post and it just inspired me to write this on a not so balanced day. My hope is that you will be able to relate and also walk away from reading this with a new outlook. More so if your day was anything like mine was this morning.  When we tend to think about balance in our lives we think things should just FALL INTO PLACE and the process should be so easy and luxurious.  We think we should just smile and be confident that life will be so good for us. When the opposite is true. The reality is life is hard, complicated, we are tested and tried and tempted. It takes it's toll  and challenges us, our marriage, our finances, our relationships and YES, even our walk. It can stop the best of attitudes and create the worst outlook and even the not so pleasant outcome. But I've been reminded that even though my life isn't in balance with 4 teens with raging hormones, one of which is just itching to leave home and spread his wings ( which is natural) and start his life away from mom and dads authority. Three others going thru this faze of being to old for some things and not old enough for others, while in that rough stage in life where the boys want to assert their place in our home and with me. Meanwhile the girls are jsut trying to get past the emotional roller coaster menstrual periods bring. Of course then there are the little ones, precious and innocent, wanting floor time with mommy and tea time with crackers and honey, even the rare occasion we read a new book like Rascal about a boy who has a friend raccoon and the adventures we could only dream about on a good day. Are you in this place MOTHERHOOD brings?

                                                        All our children except our oldest

Each day so many things get pushed back from my priority list and there are times we are barely getting by. Sipping on my caffeine while missing lunch in hopes that a small window will open up for nap time or even that split moment of quiet time. Dishes piled up (Yes, even in the Kuhn home) pool needs backwashed, weed eating needs done and dinner waiting to be fixed, not to mention papers to grade ( you seen the pile) and recorded- A stream of life and all it brings. From one flowing challenge to yet another opportunity.

How easy it would be if someone would have told us in the beginning that life for me and you would not be balanced. To not even expect it, or count on it and desire it. Wouldn't we all be more content, patient, positive. But LIFE CAN be rewarding and meaningful and a treasure each and everyday with the right outlook. If we would just except the limitations of each day and each season, with each child- none of which are balanced.                                
                                                 Scripture doesn't promise us BALANCE.
Jesus's life was not balanced. He always had people chasing after him and someone was always criticizing him.  Even 5000 were waiting to be fed, healed, blessed and guided. Paul's life was certainly not balanced while in prison, shipwrecked, beaten. Paul was able to teach and travel and guide even while being persecuted . All of which they showed joy, a full heart , love, and time to reach out to others. So even though life takes its toll  lets just see this day and all that this puzzle called "Life" brings as God's will and rest in the moments of these days. Embrace the unbalanced!!!!!

Monday, May 20, 2013

Learning to let go: A mother's journey of 11

                                                   Our 1st graduate in our home 2013

In my last post we were sharing our journey through the holidays and what our families traditions were and what they meant to us and since then we have brought home our new bundle of joy Baby Eli # 11 and recently graduated our 1st oldest son from highschool. Both journeys have been bittersweet in their own way. If someone would have told me almost ten years ago that I would be blessed with 11 children and be walking up to give our oldest his diploma six weeks after the birth of our youngest,  I would have just been in disbelief. These moments are still so tender in my heart even as I write this new blog.  Within what seemed to be hours from one another was just the beginning of my emotional reality that our children grow up so fast. The week of my due date my  husband and I were dropping our son off to spend spring break talking about his future intentions with a special girl of interest and her family. The next minute ( not literally) we were spending 15 hours in labor to see the precious little one who I have carried for 10 months. Who kicked me at the most odd hours of the night and who laid inside of me awaiting the very day we would see one another face to face for the first time. We were over joyed and thrilled to be given the privilege to raise another son and that the good Lord has seen us worthy of this new child.
                                                      Baby Eli 7 Lbs 5 oz 21 inch long
                                                                    Born April 6th

But even with the excitement of this new baby I knew what was yet to come. The reality that soon our son would be setting aside all books for the first time in 18 years, That those times spent debating about math problems and what his literature assignment taught him that particular week or second guessing what I may or may not have taught him before these days of graduation began to become a reality. I'd ask myself: "Am I the only homeschool mother out there who was having a hard time seeing these days approaching." Praying that I'd be able to look him in the eye on the day of his ceremony and even keep it together enough to share yet one more word of advice. Wondering if I'd get the look I'd been so familiar with a thousand times that said  "Mom it will be ok, I'll be fine." Or would I see a look of uncertainty.

It's hard to describe all the feelings a mother goes through during this time, for me I was excited for his future and what may come of it,  and yet sad it was here so quick and done before I was ready, overwhelmed with all the details, and yet proud of the man he has become. Even the sense of accomplishment and all we learned about one another during our homeschool journey tugged at my heart. There has even been moments of second guessing knowing we have 10 more who will go through this same process and what I would have done differently or what I would have kept the same.

                                                               Our ten other children
                                                   Three oldest graduating in 3 yrs together

You spend time asking yourself when did his voice change to where I didn't even recognize it on the other end of the phone, and how it seemed like over night that he started to get facial hair, and become so vocal about which way to part his hair and what brand of jeans he was in to. When was the last time he let you kiss him goodnight and not become so short with you on his text messages. And once he leaves home when will be the next time you'll be able to stay up hours into the night listening to his guitar playing another tune before turning in for the night. All of which seemed to come so quickly. All of which I will miss.

A bittersweet journey all of us moms wouldn't change for the world. To see their first days and rejoice in the many years to come. To be there when they fall and yet willing to pick them up. To support their choices and to advice them, To share in their accomplishments and to cry at their mistakes.
To hear their reasoning and to guide their final decision. To smile when they see you and to cry when they leave. To hug them when they are  willing and to say goodbye when they are ready. To pray when they don't realize it and wait to see what the future will bring.  To hope for the best and to trust, to assure them "You can always come home" and to seek God in all his ways. All of which I wouldn't change for the world. This is my journey!!!!